Liberty Christian Ministries Inc pastoral leader reflects on his past lovers

Sydney Anglican affiliated Liberty Christian Ministries Inc is becoming more and more a site that is dedicated to Haydn and his issues. The newest post is dedicated to Haydn and his past lovers. Haydn says.... Of late, I have been thinking a fair bit about the way that I first came out of the gay world and how I now feel about the men whom I had slept around with. There were so many of them I have lost count, but that does not diminish how I now feel about them. A big part of me used to blame them for the situations where we had found ourselves, crossing boundaries and doing sexual things with one another that we thought would give us love, acceptance, and the man of our dreams who might one day hold us together and make everything ok again. The sad reality is that we would have sex, use each other, and then throw one another away to look for someone else. It wasn’t uncommon for that to happen and as I looked at other gay men that I knew, they were going through the very same thing. Sadly, when I would act out with a lot of gay men they would not ask me what my name was and often I wouldn’t ask theirs. Why not? Because knowing that the other person had an identity would give me less of a reason to use them in such a callous, uncaring way

Haydn... it sounds like you didn't see a close relationship with someone of the same-sex as something you were prepared to commit to...so you just satisfied your sexual needs. It happens to heterosexuals as well when they don't want committment for various reasons.

Haydn goes onto say that he doesn’t hate gay and lesbian people ... he justs hates what they do together...even though some of them emotionally hurt me, betrayed and insulted me, tried to physically assault and rape me, and treated me like garbage. I know that I too was hurting them even in less extreme ways and that I too was as much a perpetrator of such hurt as they were. I have also come to realise that for them to have used and hurt me as they did, they must be pretty broken and angry deep down, just as I have been.

Haydn... I've heard about heterosexual men like that.

Haydn's hope is that lesbians and gays come to know Jesus.

Yes it would be nice to let same-sex attracted people know me...just like heterosexuals.