Dedicated to the Pre-Post Gay Self

Imprisoned and tapped
Wooden door locked fast
The handle removed
To stop a return to the past

Pacing the walls
Of the insular cell
Sounds from the outside
I can hear from this hell

Disconnected from me
Disconnected from you
Life about where and when
And never about who

Nothing but darkness
Survives these walls
The light from another
Just never falls

Awaiting a time
When life can be more
Than washing the socks
And all that's a chore

Has someone the key
That fits to this lock?
The one thrown away
When I was returned to the flock

Can the door just be left
A little ajar?
So I can feel the warm sun
At least from afar

I could tentatively
Put my toe in the sun
And begin to fell human
But of course then I’d run

Back into my room
Where I safely can hide
From those feelings
That caused me to lose all my pride

Those feelings that caused
Such shame and such fear
Of being excluded
From loved ones so dear

The embarrassment of
Just being me
My loving another
Caused me to flee

To escape from the taunts
Of the Jesus elect
And into the arms
Of the heresy sect

Alone and excluded
From all that I knew
Nowhere God’s Grace
For such isolated few

The one that I loved
Could no longer withstand
The distain and rejection
and disapproving hand

Left by myself
Abandoned in pain
For an outcast like me
Grief, was not seen to reign

For feelings belonged
To the Jesus protect
And for those discarded
All emotions neglect

Humans were made
Said the majority rule
To be Complementarians
So Jesus was cruel

Rejects, whose hurt
Is not really a sign
Of human emotion
But a faulty design

A faulty design
That’s in need of repair
That’s why Jesus created
Those engineers, with such flair

To dismantle and rebuild
A model so rare
Without love and emotion
That caused such despair

Build the walls strong
Entrap unique self
So it can never reappear
Through logic or stealth

Barricade the door
And remove all the locks
Let love pass me by
Like time on a clock

Can the door just be left
A little ajar?
So I can feel the warm sun
At least from afar





Agnes Hart